Baby Talk

Friday, July 01, 2005 | 6:18 pm

It seems, that to be a television show that I watch regularly, you either have to be John Stewart, just about any soccer game (women's European Cup, World Youth Championship, Confederation Cup, or any Premiere League game not featuring Fulham), or be on between 10pm and 2am on weeknights.

Currently, and I realize I may be late to the fold here, I find the absolute best belly laughs are coming from The Family Guy on [adult swim]. Classic. And the best lines seem to almost universally belong to the matricidal world-domination bent Stewie.

Last night I caught the episode where Meg gets a makeover at the mall. Brian (the dog) is paying Stewie for performing a dare (running nude through the mall exclaiming "Help. I just escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement!"). Stewie is standing there butt naked counting his money... [ naked Stewie]

Brian(looking down): "Cold in here huh?"
Stewie: "Nope. Just very very small."

Laugh? Almost pissed myself.

Here's a couple more of my Stewie Griffin favourites, taken from here :

    Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.


    After Peter crashes unceremoniously through the window of a foster-parents house that Stewie does not want to be at:
    Stewie: "Thank god, it's the lesser of two evils."


    Lois: "What's going on down here?"
    Stewie: "Oh, we're playing house."
    Lois: "That boy's all tied up."
    Stewie: "Roman Polanski's house."


    The recently blinded Peter teeters past, and Stewie kicks a piece of furniture in front of him causing a nasty fall
    Stewie: "Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it."


    Stewie (reading the Bible): "My my, what a thumping good read, lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh.


    Stewie: "By all means, turn me into a child star. Perhaps I can move to Californ-i-ay and wrangle me a three-way with the Olsen twins."


    Stewie: "Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level."


Bloody brilliant.

2 Comments:

At 2/7/05 11:03 am, Blogger Joe 'de bold said...

They are finally airing new episodes on FOX on Sunday nights. My son is ticked that he suddenly has an earlier bedtime those evenings. It's gotten even wilder.

I loved the one where Peter rattled off all the new FOX shows that tanked before they came to their senses and bought new episodes!

 
At 4/7/05 3:14 pm, Blogger thisismarcus said...

Roman Polanski's house made me LOL. Who plays Stewie? He soundsa lot like Hank Azaria doing a British accent in Mystery Men.

 

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