"Skywaller.. Skywalmer... Here he is: Skywalker!""

Thursday, June 16, 2005 | 11:59 pm

I consider myself a vaguely competent Star Wars geek. I am not a roving Encyclopaedia Galactica of all things Star Wars, but I am familiar enough with the original Episodes 4-6 to place myself somewhere in, say, the top 30% of SW geeks (remember—it's a bell curve!).

Mainly, this is because I was a fan, who then got a job with the license for a few years, leading me to long days of pondering the minutia of that "galaxy far far away" (and then trying to write it in 3 lines or less). I even garnered myself my very own action figure, but that's a different story—and one reasonably known amongst those people probably reading this.

But a few weeks after watching Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, a strange question just occurred to me. A question so fundamental that I am convinced that I must be missing some immensely obvious Star Wars factoid. As such, I post this with trepidation, completely aware that the answer is probably lurking right in front, and I am only one reply away from imminent ridicule and forced-removal from the upper 1/3 percentile.

DISCLAIMER: Be warned! This is an attempt to find logic in an imaginary movie universe, albeit one that many people take very seriously. I do think that suspense of disbelief demands we find some logic in our movies (except when watching Oliver Stone "documentaries"). And poor old Star Wars has probably been subject to more examination than any other franchise, besides possibly Star Trek. This is perhaps a little unfair on a few thousand people who just wanted to make a hit film. Nonetheless, I need an answer!

In my best Rod Serling voice...

Imagine yourself in a place far, far away, at around the end of Episode III. You are wearing Jedi sandals, and witnessing the birth of Padme's "Acme Instant Incubating Twins". You and your peers fear Daddy Vader and his Wizened Father Figure will hunt for the twins, so you propose to split them up and take them far away from each other.

You decide to hide Luke on his father's home planet of Tatooine. Personally, a decision distinctly lacking in imagination, but I'll squint around my suspense of disbelief holes and accept some weak justification like "last place he'll ever think of looking!").

Now cast your mind forward in time. A time where a desperate galaxy is about to rediscover A New Hope. Our future-saviour, in his first act of heroism, bursts into his sisters holding-cell on the Death Star and excitedly proclaims: "I'm Luke Skywalker, and I'm here to rescue you."

Now... it may just be me... but if I wanted to keep a secret child from his murderous father and the nefarious Imperial Government, I'm pretty sure I wouldn' let him keep the last name of SKYWALKER!

Conclusion? Palpatine should have been able to find Luke in the Galactic White Pages.

Related web oddity: Do a search in the WhitePages.com for last name of Skywalker. The first match? Annikan Skywalker of Mogadore, OH. A cleverly organized prank? Or the sad product of fanboy and fangirl (accidentally) copulating? We may never know.

3 Comments:

At 18/6/05 11:52 am, Blogger Shocho said...

What's the line from Spaceballs? "Evil always wins because good is dumb." It's a good guy tradition, to do the dumb thing. Evil guys have a plan, they're on the ball.

In fact, hiding the twins was a pretty important thing to explain in this backstory of exposition that is called the prequel trilogy, and it was completely glossed over. A fine analysis here you do provide.

 
At 20/6/05 4:22 pm, Blogger Mkae said...

Here's a few possible explanations:

1) Skywalker is a fairly common name. Maybe Luke Skywalker translates into "Bob Smith" in our tongue.

2) The Republic has had light-speed capability for several thousand years so the "Galactic White Pages" would be HUGE! Thus, any interation of a name could potentially have millions of hits.

3) Vader didn't realize his kids were even alive until sometime after cleaning the space-sickness induced vomit out of his helmet after the end of Ep IV. Thus, you could hide them anywhere and he wouldn't know.

4) George Lucas is a shitty writer and just doesn't care. By the way, asshole, Han shot first and no amount of F*ING it up will change it. Asshole.

Also, I know where Mogadore, OH is and I can tell you this. That child is either a God among the other inbreds or he's beaten severely daily, just because his schoolmates can't pronounce "Annikan".

 
At 26/6/05 12:19 pm, Blogger thisismarcus said...

Yeah, that stank. Change your own name to Ben for safety but don't bother about the kid. He should at least be Luke Lars if he was to be passed off as Owen and Beru's baby.

Also, how did Obi-Wan get to Tattooine? Presumably in a spacecraft of some sort. When he needs to leave the planet in Episode IV, why do they have to buy passage from a smuggler? Did he forget where he parked?

 

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